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| Don't you want to play chess now? Source funtoosh.com |
Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by "Kithe" Pacific.Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Gulati :"Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete with a world champion"
Gary: "How about if I play left handed ?"
Gulati: [Think.. Think..] "OK!"
Gulati is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh.
Gulati: Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me in spite of him playing left-handed...
Manpreet: Oye ullu-de pathey! He sure did fool you! U know what! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
source: http://www.jokebuddha.com
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen.""Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
source: http://www.jokebuddha.com
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
source: http://www.jokebuddha.com
A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
Source : http://www.chessebook.com/
A Chess Player is walking from the lake carrying two fish in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The Chess player says to the warden, "I did not catch these fish, they are my pets's pawn. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these fish jump out and I take around to see the sights only to return them at the end of the day; remember that the Chess Board is like an ocean; full of fish". The warden, does not play chess, he not had any idea what he's taking about; not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The Chess Player turns to the warden and says,
"CHECK" "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the fish back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will come out of the water." The Chess Player turns to the warden and says, "What fish!?"
Source : http://www.chessebook.com/
Frasier: I can see why she likes the game - "the king is stationary, the queen has all the power".
Source : http://www.chessebook.com/
Q. Which chess piece is the most powerful?
A. The Knight, It goes over the top.
Source : http://www.chessebook.com/
Q - Which group of women are the best chess players?
A - Feminists. Their opponents begin with King and Queen, but *they* always start with 2 Queens.
Source : http://www.chessebook.com/
Three retired International chess grandmasters were playing chess in the park.
The first grandmaster said, "it is windy today."
The second grandmaster said, "no, it is Thursday today".
The third grandmaster said, "me too, let's go back inside for a drink"
Source : http://www.chessebook.com/
The young apprentice went to his master and asked him:
"Which is the best game man made?".
The old master though a little bit and said
"It's chess I guess, no?".
"What about go?" came the next question instantly.
"Aah, go was already here!"
Source : http://www.chessebook.com/
A gentleman must play a game of chess with a blind person, he proposes to the blind person:
"As him cannot see he will grant an advantage to him as part of the deal. We will not play in equality of conditions."
"This sound really fair" replied the Blind Person.
Then he asks the gentleman: "When?"
"Very well", the other men responded to him "any night that you prefer."
Source : http://www.chessebook.com/
Two chess players are playing a correspondence game. White lives at the South Pole. Black lives at the North Pole. The postal service is rather slow and play proceeds at the rate of one move per year. After 15 years of play, white makes a daring queen sacrifice, the consequences of which are by no means clear.
Source : http://www.thenerdsite.com/
A year later, as he sees the postman returning, he is very excited. He thinks "Will black take my queen?", "Is the sacrifice sound?" He tears open the reply and sees "Jadoube."
Source : http://www.thenerdsite.com/
Q: How many squares are there on a chess board?
A: Two, plus the spectators.
Source : http://www.thenerdsite.com/
Two friends meet on the street one day and one of them says, "My wife says if I play in the chess tournament tomorrow she'll take the kids and leave me." The other asks him, "So what are you going to do tomorrow?" And the other answers, "Same as always: 1. e4."
Source : http://www.thenerdsite.com/
Q. What is the difference between a chess player and a couple on a blind date?
A. The chess player mates then chats......
Source : Susan Polgar's Blog
There once was a Polgar named Judit.
She was great and we always knew it.
She made top 10 in the world,
and showed lots of girls,
Shes a girl with a brain and can use it.
Source : Susan Polgar's Blog
An ordinary club chess player is suddenly noticed by many as he begins to win all of his matches.
It is noted that his rise in ability co-indices with the player pulling out a small book from his
pocket before each game, which he reads for about a minute or so before putting back into his
pocket.
A wealthy, but rather ordinary, fellow club member watches this man with keen interest. He sees
him perform this ritual of book reading before each game and then going on to win decisively- he
will soon be club champion and headed for national fame.
After another emphatic victory, the wealthy gent approaches the man and offers him $1000 for
his book. The man kindly declines. He offers $5000, $10 000 and then $20 000 to similar refusals.
Desperate, he offers the man $100 000 for the book. The man thinks for a long hard minute or
two and then accepts the offer. He walks away with the money minus his book.
The wealthy man, trembling, opens up the little book and astounded reads the following sentence
written repeatedly:
"Remember to always protect your king!"
Source : Gameknot Chess Forums
Interviewer: Do you prefer sex or chess?
Boris Spassky: It depends on the position.
Source : Gameknot Chess Forums
Anand: In what country were you born?
Gelfand: Belarus
Anand: Which part?
Gelfand: What do you mean which part? Whole body born in Belarus, moved to Israel.
Anand: Good move!
Source : Gameknot Chess Forums
